hellos and good byes

I have been through deployments. Long one's, short ones, and everywhere in between. This, however, is getting to me... A constant state of hello's and good byes. Not for long of course, and that does make it better, but there is an underlying unsettled feeling in our family, that post deployment talk they talk about where the wife is used tot hings her way and the husband is used to being in charge and running things his way, bound to end in misunderstandings. And while our new life brings these sporadic good byes, the realization of the stress does too. When they are gone for a while, the reality of long deployments sink in, you start to get on your own groove and you tread water until the Calvary is home. I could lie and say how well it is going, many spouses do. We want to be tough and strong, we dont want to burden anyone and think, "Come on woman do this everyday" The fact is most military spouses are not station near family or friends, and many deployments happen when you first move somewhere new before you can plant any roots, you are then faced with the stress of moving and being alone. As was the case for me and woman I knew, many of our deployments happened when we were not even on the same continent as our families, and it was by my good luck and fortune, that my mom was afraid to fly, refused to fly, so no breaks for me. (I have since broken her of that habit, and flown her out to see us as I posted in previous posts)
This new thing were doing is not typical, and it is hard... He is gone before the girls and I get up, home at dark or just before (and that is when he is "home") and as of last night the battle of who would put the girls to bed ensued.. This is just an example of many silly things that pop up, No one is right here, there is no right side to any of these little battles, it is just stress, and we are both under it. He is only home a short time before he leaves again, but my life has been this military revolving door of hellos and good byes and it is a hard road that no one wants to admit. I certainly dont... It is especially hard for me right now because I am searching for a friend here, someone to hang out with and who gets it... Someone who will get the stress of the kiddos, as amazing as my children and husband are, this is hard, harder than you know, and I have not blogged about a part that makes my stress unique to our family, but I feel that blog will be coming soon. I am new to this location and what makes it hard for me is two fold. One, I am not on a military base where it is much easier to meet people in like circumstances, and two... I am the second kind of personality. There are two kinds of people, extraverted adn introverted.. I am not shy by any means, but the difference in the two are like trees, some trees plant short roots, but many roots that stretch over a broad surface, and those like me, plant only a few roots, but plant them deep...I have always beent hat way, it is uncomfortable for me to be around people I dont know, but once I know someone, people think I am extroverted and laugh when I tell them I really am not... My husband is the opposite (who knew right!) I have been settling in the new house, gettign the girls life sqared away and trying to hold things together as much as I could, but this has been hard in some respects, easy in others... But the fact remains, I need to get out there and meet some military ladies. Newbies would be best, were all in the same boat, and even though I am introverted with my roots close to me, I make friends very easily and quickly, I think many military woman learn this trick, so me living next to civilians, who have the friends they had since school or at least for a few years to decades, they think it has only beena short amount of time and they will warm up to me soon enough, Military spouses dont have that luxury, we know we dont, so it is more like elementary school than middle school. Remember that, when you would walk up to someone and say "Hi my name is _ what to be my friend?" And you'd gallop off to play some game or bother the boys, lol! Military life is similar, "Hi, my name is Suzy Homemaker, originally from another state, stationed previously across the globe, working in jobs I can pick up and move at the drop of a dime or staying at home right now, where were you stationed, do you have kids? Want to have coffee with the kids sometime?"
We are a strong bunch and it seems what bothered me when we were first in, doesnt even make me flinch now... As you go down being a career wife's path though, new jobs in the military bring unique circumstances and it is hard to juggle at first... I know we will get a handle on this, we always do. It is just a hard road that is extremely rewarding, but you have to get through these storms to appreciate the rainbows...
The moral is, no matter what the military throws out at a spouse, the hellos and good byes, the highs and the lows, the blow seems softer when she has a friend to decompress with a warm cup of coffee or a cold glass of wine!